We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
