I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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