Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
