He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
