I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
