smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize