Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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