Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
