i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
