Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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