Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
