This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
