he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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