How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
