i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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