I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
