Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
