I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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