i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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