I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
