We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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