I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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