Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
