Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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