The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
