my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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