Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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