broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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