You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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