Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
