So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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