if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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