there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
