Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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