youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
