Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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