Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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