I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
