On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
