i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
