I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just cropdusted the office
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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