i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
