Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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