well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
