Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
