shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
