Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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