rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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