I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
