i barfeds in our rink
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
