i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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