There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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