You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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