I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
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