I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
