Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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