I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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