we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
