I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
