She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
