I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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