u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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