is your mom at the bar?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
