dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
