well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
