you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
