I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
