What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Alive.
So much puke
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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