it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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