there's paper in my vomit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
